A bit nervous...

So I don't want to get in to too much detail here, but I'm so super nervous about something coming up and I thought I'd put it out there in case anyone can benefit.

In a couple of weeks, I'll be visiting with some estranged family. I'm talking...estranged for real. It's been 18 years or so since I've seen this person - and it was because I decided I no longer wanted to do so. There was a damn good reason, so don't assume I was being selfish or something silly.

Point is, it was the dying wish of another family member that we reconnect. That death was several years ago, and I've been struggling with it the whole time. I couldn't understand why he'd want to put me though that. Then, as time went by I think I realized it wasn't about putting me through anything, rather just about the fact that there are more things in life to think about than the past. Finally, a few months ago, I decided I needed to reconnect afterall. Closure, maybe? Perhaps. Maybe it's just that fear has ruled so many years in this regard that I think if I see him again now that I'm - ahem - older, I can feel stronger. I mean, maybe I just feel the need to reaffirm my decision from 18 years ago. Either way, I feel the need to go. What am I going to say? Hell if I know. No apologies on my end. I expect none from that side either.

Here's to hoping it helps me to let go - be less fearful - and maybe even remind myself that any guilt is his, not mine and that there is so much more to life than holding the past with me all the time.

So my advice to anyone dealing with some scary thing in their life: Face it. It'll eat you up if you don't.